Standards OR Fantasy

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Of course! Have standards.

Matter of fact,

Lowering your standards is a bad habit. Stop it!

Referring to my previous post, Man of Your Dreams, some folks took issue with my musing. In that post, I shared a prevalent observation which was that many in my generation are looking for the perfect, got it all together other, the “designer spouse,” – the one!

And yes, I agreed they could be found in one place – in our dreams and fantasies.

Maybe that was too much. Was it?


In regards to that post, a close friend who was bothered by it asked a great question. In this post, I share some things we discussed.


My friend wanted to know –

Where do you draw the line between standards and accepting something less than what you hoped?

So, first, I apologize if my previous post made you think I was downplaying the idea of having standards. By no means.

In Man of Your Dreams, I wasn’t talking about standards. I was talking about fantasies. My point was that if someone we were looking for someone who had only the best qualities of the different types of people we have seen or dated, we won’t find them. If we were looking for that perfect one, it was pointless looking any farther than the fantasies in our heads

Having standards is awesome. I have them

But, if your standards are skewed by fantasies, then you may be passing up good matches because of skewed standards. No one can know but you. So, do you have standards or are your standards fantasies?

Another possibility might be that if you are young and are looking for a woman with enumerable grand qualities which don’t necessarily qualify as fantasy, then you may be looking for someone beyond your age group.

Or rather, you may be passing a good match, who is not there yet but would eventually become that type of person as you both grow in relationship or marriage.

Why? Because –

It takes time, crisis, and life experiences for people to become strong in many character traits and less of a handicap on their weak side.

So go easy on the people you meet. On the other hand –

Are you the type of person the one you are looking is looking for? Would you be the type of person the woman of your dreams would be looking for if you found them?


God’s blessings usually don’t always come the way we expect them.

What if your perfect match comes to you in a different color of skin, mindset, in difficulties, with a history…wrapped up in temporal difficulties? Obviously, it won’t be what you are looking for or the way you plan on seeing or experiencing them.

What then?

So yes. I think standards are great. But, if they are skewed by unrealistic expectations and fantasies, then the resulting search for a spouse might be a man or woman of your dreams. And funny thing is –

They are called man of your dreams or woman of your dreams for a reason. They live in your dreams.

But, here is one risk we many may fail to consider when searching endlessly for the person of their dreams.

If you keep passing up good guys/ladies and good matches hoping to find the perfect one in your continued search and plan on doing so till you find “The One,” then don’t forget to account for the following risk:

You may come to the age where you will be left with fewer and fewer good options options to chose from. 

Not making a choice is actually a choice. And if you don’t make one, someone else or something else will do it for you. Time and circumstances may do it for you


I may be wrong.

What do you think?


Please share in the comments

1 comments on “Standards OR Fantasy”

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