Man of Your Dreams

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This is going to be an excellent year

What are you guys doing for Valentines day?

Well, I don’t know. I have no idea. I confess, I’m a romantic. But, somewhere between life and a hard place, I lost my mojo. I lost my M.O

I’m no Moto-Moto


I’m guessing you “love birds” are making last minute arrangements and wrapping up on your romance strategies with bags of roses, rings, necklaces, planned lush dinners, proposals…!

And then on Valentine’s day its…

Girls and free drinks, Singles and a few drinks, Guys and two things, Cuddles and Chick Flicks, Breakups and Karaokes, “will you marry me” and diamond rings, dates talking pet peeves…you know, the usual.

And then, there is “US.” Singles with little or no prospects who can’t stand the commercialization of love and loneliness.

Can I get a witness?


I have been wondering why some of “us” who have “the goods” are single and boy do I have some musings to share with you.

Because – LOVE.

It is breath-taking how many of “us” are looking for “The One,” the man or woman of their dreams. Thanks to popular culture, folks have been on a mission to find “The One”, the perfect match, a soul befitting of the fifty shades of grey.

And we can all tip our hats to TV ads, TV shows, and the mass commercialization of beauty, sex, and body parts for altering our perceptions of what is acceptable and what is not. These alongside others have unconsciously set us on a path to find the “designer spouse.”

Let me illustrate with a story* what a designer date/spouse is with some sneaky wisdom which is the point of this post. Catch it if you can.

A woman once came to see The Rebbe. She said to him, “My daughter is struggling to find a match.” The Rebbe asked, “Does she know what she is looking for in a husband?” This woman proceeded to share every imaginable quality. To which the Rebbe replied, “It sounds to me like you are describing at least three different boys.”

Get it?

Using another example, Jim who enumerates countless qualities he is looking for in a woman, is not looking for one woman. In reality, what he was saying is that –

he wants a beautiful woman with Lucy’s brains, Britney’s cute blue eyes, Ana’s perfect sexy body, Tina’s top model fashion style, Taisha’s black is gold attitude, Tina’s cooking skills….

In short,

If you are looking for someone who carries all the best qualities of the Ghost of Relationships Past, then yeah….you are looking for a designer partner.

So what’s the problem with that?

None at all! Except, if  like Jim, you are thinking along those lines, looking for that type of person, with all those endless qualities or the best qualities of your many ex, you won’t find them.

Scratch that.

You will find them – in your dreams.

I know I did.


They are called “man of your dreams” for a reason – Mendel Kalmenson

If you insist on looking for them, you will be cheating.

That’s because you are already in a relationship with the man/woman of your dreams. If you want to date, break up with the man or woman of your dreams first.

So, loosen up a little. Give people a break and just let people be people. You are one of them. Everyone has a past. And heads up from Caralyn, author of –

We are all recovering from something.

Yes, even you.

And by the way,

Even if someone has been a jerk, you have been too. Have mercy. You changed. What makes you think they can’t?

So – here’s a thought for you –

because – Season of Love.

When next you see that average Joe or pretty Sally at the store – go up to them. Compliment something about them and ask them out to coffee. Its simple.

Just say,  “Would you like to grab coffee sometime?”

They may turn out to be The Velvet heart shaped chocolate you have been looking for, wrapped in a freshly twisted candy wrapper called – current circumstances and temporal shortcomings which your righteous self might fail to perceive. Or they might bolt and never text you after the first date.

Who knows! You might ask in time to make that coffee date your valentines day special. Good luck. And…

Oh…don’t worry about me. I believe in miracles. I pray I am someone’s secret Valentine.  I may decide to be someone’s Prince Charming from the Hood. Ooouu…, there goes my mojo…it’s coming back to me…



Life is not full of surprises: I am. Are you?

Okay, I’m finished with my musings. 

But, I’m curious though_

– What are some of the qualities you are looking for in a potential date or spouse?

If you have ever had the “Designer-Date-man-of-your-dreams” syndrome, how do you overcome that in your mind and get back to dating real people? 

*Story taken from – Seeds of Wisdom,  by Mendel Kalmenson 

1 comments on “Man of Your Dreams”

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