How to Touch People Deeply

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This is going to be an excellent year.

This week I have been all about the intricacies of interactions and connections.

I wrote an article called Answer people not their Questions where I suggested that instead of just answering the questions people in our sphere of influence come to us with, we should see beyond that.

We should answer them in such a way that they feel deeply touched and become conduits for a nuclear explosion of positive influence.

This is important because people seldom fluently describe what they want to say. In fact, being able to say exactly what you want to say, feel, or want is a gift. Being able to clearly articulate an idea is considered gold according to the Book of Proverbs.

So, its no surprise that people ind it hard to say exactly what they want to say or describe exactly how they feel. What’s more, without sufficient information of what people who speak with us are going through, we will experience difficulty in discerning what is NOT being said by folks. And it may be difficult for us to touch them deeply.

And I mean s…o…u…l deep!

In fact, we may end up thinking of a way to answer people while they are still speaking. So, this has been on my mind.

Yes, as I wrote in Make the Most of Your Nuclear Reactions –

~ When people interact its like  A NUCLEAR REACTION ~ The Rebbe


Its not how many people you touch, but how deeply you touch them that determines your sphere of influence ~ Mendel Kalmenson

We can use open-ended questions to listen well and help folks open up (See – Make the Most of Your Nuclear Reactions).

But what exactly can we do to not only gather intel through open-ended questions, feel the story through listening, but also answer in a way that helps people to feel deeply touched?

Here is a thought I have been pondering.

As you listen, ask yourself,

Why is this person asking this particular question at this particular point in time?

Why is didn’t he or she request this information yesterday and why can’t it wait till tomorrow?

Why is the person telling me all this right now and not some other time in the future?

The answer is seldom about more information or advice. In fact, advice shuts their vulnerability down. It shuts down the flow of any intimate conversation where people are honestly sharing their heart with you.

The brief process below calls for listening with a little caviat.

What if you don’t simply walk in their shoes? What if you walk in their emotions? What if you recall a time when you felt like that and what you wished someone would have done or said to you to comfort and empower you?

And then…

What if you end up giving the answer that you know you would have wanted someone else to give you in case it had been you walking out that story and emotion?

Yes, your answer may sound weird, out of place, out of topic, and irrelevant. And that’s that’s okay because…

Your objective answering people, not their questions


What are your thoughts?

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