The Search for Love is REAL

No comments

Hello fam,

I’ve been up and running, from North to South in Califonia and just returned to the villa. Personally, I prefer to sit down, reflect, and write. So, its been particularly difficult to set the mood and press some fresh spiritual and inspiration juice for you.


What’s up people?


Last weekend, I was in Orange County attending a Singles Life Workshop. And people, let me tell you – AMAZING! I was thinking I would walk into this event and meet 20-somethings and maybe, 30-somethings and maybe find a “pretty mama” but noooo….

I saw a few 20-somethings and 30’s to 60-somethings all over the place. I was like – Lord, have mercy…


Seriously! I was like…even the 40’s to 70’s are looking for love?

I thought folks in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s…would have it down by now. I thought they would have it all together. But nooo…both the men and women came with their own issues.

And boy, some of those ladies had that perfect 8, size 10…body…, tights, boots, heels and that Beyonce Knowles walk. And…I mean… p..r…e…t…t…y! Wooo….


Thank God I am young.

I’m guessing many of them…hmm hmm (us), came with the intention of finding someone.  I never imagined “love” was a difficult thing for that age group. I must be living a cartoon’s life.

All I could think of when I saw all this was that I didn’t want to end up at that age – alone.

I was paired up with amazing young men and women. Our group had the fingerprints of His Highness all over it. My new friends had similar struggles and stories. The most important thing that happened to me was hearing the stories of these folks.


[Lorraine is a lively fun to be around film maker. Kasey is strong, intense and full of love. Katy is so gracious and full of humor. Jacqueline is our beautiful sexy genius, Austin is the proud Firefighter soon to be a Texan, and Chris….oh Chris! This one is a kind and hyped sports champion of our Team 4 stars. I miss them already]

We discussed the events that shaped our perception of intimate relationships, relationships that shaped our perception of sex, events and relationships that affected our perception of the opposite sex;  recurring issues that led us to poor choices and flawed decisions…and so on.

And though we were perfect strangers, our new bond and friendship was the result of honestly and vulnerably sharing the wounds and scars that of our lives.

As I listened to their stories, all I could think of was –

Man! People are going through so much pain. There is so much unspoken and unheard in people. So much pain in the world. Too much! God help us and give us grace to help others

Hearing the stories of those around the room brought so much healing to me. It refreshed my perspective. I finally realized –

No one is perfect. No spouse will ever be perfect. You won’t find a designer spouse. Everyone has their own faults. All one can do s look for is a kind and giving person who is willing to grow. Its all that matters. Of course, after discussing values, spending habits and the usual.

And maybe the reason many of us are single is because we are looking for the perfect one, the designer spouse who has it all together. Well, nobody has it all together.

We are all recovering from something – Caralyn, BBB

So, here are some of my ramblings –

Ask yourself,

Why am I responding this way? Why am I reacting this way (to say a certain type of person or the opposite sex)? What’s in my story that  brings me back to recurring issues of poor choices and flawed decisions when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex?

In a world full of people with issues, all one can find is a kind and giving spouse. If you find someone, cherish them. Because, let me tell you…the search for love, out there, is REAL.

There are many choices and you will never be able to exhaust them to find a match. There is beauty and handsomeness everywhere. If you base your decision mostly on that, tomorrow, you will find another pretty or good looking person.

And they just might turn out to be a TRICK

The rules of the dating game has changed. If you are a man or woman waiting – STOP IT! What you can do is throw out some signs intentionally for a potential date to see. When you make a move, then you draw the line and wait for a response. Be free as a bird and let said potential date be free to respond or reject.

If one rejects, go look in the midst of the other 8 billion people

Don’t wait to find out everything about someone before you proceed. Even if you found out all the dirt on them and chose to break up, I promise, the next person will have their own skeletons in the kitchen.

What am I saying? What about you? Acting like a saint. Oh well, maybe you are.

Don’t waste your time dating for years. Be intentional. Go old school – court the person. Don’t get engaged for years. Marry within months of engagement. Whats all that waiting for? Maybe I don’t get it. Gist me in the comment box if you think I need to be schooled.

If you begin pre-date talks and the other person is spacing and making excuses or never replying, delete the message and the number. Boy – this one is hard. But, I do it to remove the temptation of wanting to text, talk, and make things work. If you really like them your over texting without being replied to can easily become stalking.

Can I get a witness?

In any case, if I have done all I can do,  to reach out to the potential date/match, and they don’t reply and I delete that number, the only way anything moves forward is if the other person replies. In which case I will save their number again. Works for me.

If you have issues (especially unresolved emotional issues), it won’t show at the pre-dating phase. Finding someone might be easy. Just get a number and ask them out to coffee. But! those issues…will show up when things begin to get serious.

If your intention is to marry, and you find yourself going on date after date, you just might be focusing on the one thing your date doesn’t have. And with each date, there would be a “new something” missing you find.

And if you have deeper issues that stem from family, you will find that you are resisting yourself from proceeding when you finally decide that the church is your final dating destination. Don’t panic. Take some time to travel inward.

Ask yourself, “Why am I reacting this way? What expectations and perceptions (from TV or environment) is rising up to challenge my unfolding decision?

Do it now. You don’t want to carry this thing into your 40’s, 50’s…when it might be too late. I certainly don’t. That seemed to be the case for many of the wonderful elderly singles I talked to. That’s in part why I took a year off, doing nothing, except answering these questions – “Who am I, what am I, why am I here, and why do I react they way i do to certain triggers and situations?”

I see why God says,

Children too are a heritage from Adonai; the fruit of the womb is a reward. The children born when one is young are like arrows in the hands of a warrior” – (Psalms 127:3-5 – CJB)

The search for love is REAL folks. You don’t want to waste your youth partying  before you get to the things that bring lasting joy like marriage and children. Because as you enter your 30’s, things change. And you just might find that:

a good man, a good woman, is hard to find.

And when you enter your 40’s, the search for love may become desperate. May the Good Lord engineer circumstances so that you can meet, connect, and hopefully bond with a good man and woman.

Meanwhile, if you find someone, go ask their names, compliment something about them that attracted you to them and ask them if they are interested in coffee or tea so you have an objective space to chat. That’s a good start. And no, you are not helping God out. You are doing what needs to be done.

Anything that needs to be done, should be done right away – The Rebbe


I wish you all a week full of good health and prosperity.


One love, One Spirit

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s