Often, I am asked.
“Ish, how did you know you had faith? What was the turning point? When did things shift in your mind before you were able to know you had faith? Before you were able to trust in abandon to God and his call?”
I had been thinking about this question for a while.
And last week, I had an epiphany. It hit me.
Of course, I planned on sharing this with you as I noted in my previous post but experienced computer problems. So, I apologize.
But thanks to my crazy awesome friends, I have a new one. My friends got me a new one.
So, what was that epiphany? How did I know I had faith?
The type of faith that resulted in my college tuition being paid by a stranger; faith that led me to travel to a city by myself and see God’s miracles; the type of faith that led me to drive across the United States without any tangible proof but ended up connecting with communities, seeing people turn to God and more.
How did I know? And when was radical trust born?
It was the day I decided that it was okay to die.
On my journey, I have felt that –
If I fail, its okay. If I think God is saying something and I follow that voice and find its not, it’s okay.
If I say YES to God and go the way He leads me and end up being less successful than my friends or the way I visualized it – its okay.
If I grow old and have nothing to show – its okay – if I tried create, bless, testify, and go the way He said.
If I set out and died without fulfilling my destiny – its okay.
God often never tells you the destination. But, he gives you the vision. The vision is often to big to grasp and the journey impossible to ascertain. It always seems like something “really bad” will happen if you say YES and JUST GO the way HE inspires you to go. His call may be the complete opposite of what you know or studied.
He may say “I want you” and you will say, “But, I am unqualified.”
It often never make sense. Friends and family members may discourage you. Folks will say mean things.
In short, saying YES will cost you. It will make you look “foolish” especially because you have nothing to show but your faith and resolve in the word and promise of God.
Worse. To put things into perspective –
This is life. Real life. And bad things will happen. What if you die?
If four lepers can say,
“Why stay here until we die? If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’—the famine is there, and we will die. And if we stay here, we will die. So let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we live; if they kill us, then we die” – 2 Kings 7
So can you. So can I.
And if you die, its okay. You will meet Jesus anyway.
Now you know.
The day I decided it was okay for me to die – it clicked. It was then that I knew.
I had faith. Still do!
And this mindset set me free to live freely, follow the guidance of the Holy Spirit regardless of circumstances, enjoy life fully, live life full of joy, and discover more about my father, my God, and my King – Elohim – on these adventures.
This is –
Blind determination! Radical Trust! Ferocious faith!
Its the only way to live.
“And what more shall I say? For time would fail me to tell of Gideon, Barak…..and the prophets—who through faith conquered kingdoms, enforced justice, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, were made strong out of weakness, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight. Women received back their dead by resurrection.
Some were tortured, refusing to accept release, so that they might rise again to a better life. Others suffered mocking and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were killed with the sword. They went about in skins of sheep and goats, destitute, afflicted, mistreated—of whom the world was not worthy—wandering about in deserts and mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth.
And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better for us, that apart from us they should not be made perfect” – Hebrews 11:32-40