Self-actualization is the point at which a person becomes all that they are capable of and do all that they are capable of. People at this stage can see only possibilities even in the midst of impossibilities. Why is that?
Abraham Maslow, the psychologist credited for the term self-actualization noted that only 1% of the population tend to reach that level. Again – but why?
Here’s what I have discovered.
You cannot become all that you are capable of becoming or do all that you are capable of doing in your inauthentic self. Why? It is because –
It takes ALL OF YOU; ALL OF THE TRUE, ORIGINAL, AND AUTHENTIC YOU, the FULLNESS of THE IMAGE OF GOD on YOU, to do ALL you were created to be, do, and express on earth with your unique expression.
Therefore, you first have to be authentic.
So, here’s a thought I have been developing:
If you are not comfortable in your own skin – your gender, color, nationality, ethnicity, the family you were born in, your relatives, your gifts, skills, and talents…- then you are already confused.
If you don’t like who are you, what you are, where you come from, who your parents, who your people are, the color of your skin, how you grew up, your nationality….then you are already confused because you have refused to accept what is, what is original, and what is unchanging about you.
You are already confused because, you disregard what is true and truth about you. You may believe in and become a lie, but you won’t be comfortable or fully expressive, functional, or authentic in another person’s armor.
If its not you, its not yours – Kivi Bernhard
For the longest of time, this was my story.
I didn’t like myself. I hated so many things about myself – my country, ethnicity, family dynamic…etc. I felt so unfortunate, unaccepted, like a victim, always having to apologize for everything, afraid to make the slightest mistake, blaming myself always, and hiding the brilliant and radiant me. Occasionally, Wonderful and Awesome Ish’ showed up…but he was often afraid of the light. Probably the result of childhood trauma.
THIS WAS ME!
But, after a slight mistake almost ruined my entire life and work, I took an entire year off to travel. I traveled around the United States. But mostly, after making it to Hollywood, I began to travel within using questions.
I read, “The word question is derived from the Latin quaerere (to seek), which is the same root as the word for quest. A creative life is a continued quest, and good questions are useful guides.”
Questions are a mental quest; a journey to discover what is true and what is truth; and a quest to find what is real and authentic.
Questions help you discover that it is true that you messed up that one time, you messed up a good relationship, you screwed yourself over, or lied. But the truth is – that’s NOT who you are. That’s not typically what you do. Something happened to make you lose focus. You should have acted better, no doubt. But, you are human. Apologize, learn, and be on you way, sonny.
Questions help you move past situations and circumstances and keeps you in touch with your truest identity, your true self – the image of God on you.
In order to become clear about what you are capable of; in order to enjoy life to the fullest, and reveal your gifts, skills, and abilities in its original and most unique form; you first need to be clear about who you are.
You need to slowly peel off the lies. You need to become YOU. You need to become authentic. Introspective questions get you there.
Here’s what I have discovered,
Asking, internalizing, brutally interrogating, and answering introspective questions help you navigate your way out of a mental, emotional, and habitual desert of self-pity and ambiguity into the promised land of self-acceptance, uniqueness, as well as true, brilliant, and radiant authenticity.
But, this quest to find yourself can only be done by you. Some people don’t need it but some of us with “issues” do. The quest is a choice.
We have freewill; we have no choice – Isaac Singer
During my quest,
I developed questions as part of my process and preparation for the trip inward. I bag-packed humility, brutal honesty, discipline, truth, love, and God’s promises for a hike on the trail of tears through the desert of lost self-esteem and forgotten identity. It was interesting!
Below are a few of the questions I developed. Each question, has a story. If one or several of you want to hear it, comment or email me and I will share the story.
- Who am I? What am I?
- What bad mental habits are you holding back?
- What unhealthy habits or beliefs about you, others, or the world, are keeping you from becoming mentally strong as you should be?
- What is one small step that you could take today, right here and right now?
- How do I think and why do I think this way? Access the state of your mind. Asses the state of your family and family relationships (both mother’s and father’s side of the family).
- Who do I have that is close to me and willing to die or fight for me and believe in me no matter what in the following categories (The 4 F’s):
Through my quest and personal process,
I found my undiscovered self and I am loving the discoveries, loving the learning, becoming powerful, enjoying becoming fully authentic and self-actualized as a result.
Yep, this is me! I can honestly say,
One Love, One Spirit
PS: All of the questions, with tips, are on a word document. I can share it with you or upload and release it as a document. You can use the tips and answer them for yourself or tweek them for you or someone else.
NB: I am not charging anything for sharing the document and I promise, I don’t want to send you stuff or junk to your email. I’m just trying to be my brother or my sister’s keeper. Pinky promise! So, if you want it, comment or email. Let me know somehow.